I wonder

I wondered so hard today and everything that I am spoke aloud !

I wonder if the love that I show people is true
I wonder if I am hidden behind the mask of being God's child
I wonder if I am truly co-operating with the Lord in HIS infinite loving lessons
I wonder if I would ever really walk the talk when it truly matters and reveal Christ
I wonder if I am just letting the days go past me and not through me
I wonder if I am  living everyday seeking to satisfy my hearts desires

I suddenly find myself shallow
The feeling is intense and heartbreaking
How much I realize how sinful and fallen I am
The closer I walk towards God
The greater I find myself fall short.

When the Lord walks in the cool of the day and asks me,
" My Child !! How has the day been?"
How can I ever explain what it feels to show the Lord,
repeated failures to live up to his teachings!!
How can I ever explain that in exchange for HIS love,
all I have is a petition pleading for more of HIS blood.

Makes me feel like a blood thirsty animal
The price the Lord paid ,so I could be saved
Ah ! What kind of love is that,
indeed beyond my understanding.

When a sense of uncleanness grips my heart
I cry, Lord, Let the coal cleanse my heart
For here I am,Help me I pray
That I may receive your grace fully
May every new day that comes by me,
be lived the way you want it to be.

For here I am, Help me I pray